It's not just AOL. My own private Techno-War is now being waged on two fronts; Vodaphone have joined the fray. Someone has to say it - timing has never been one of my strong points.
Some years back, I went from being a carefree pay-as-you-go kinda dude to having to consider a Mobile (U.S. readers: Cell) phone contract. After a fair degree of research I opted for Vodaphone. Later that same month, that same company made the biggest financial loss in UK corporate history. I'll wait a few moments for that to sink in fully. Corporate history.
Funnily enough, the same thing happened in 2006.


Whatever the case, fast forward to The Present and here I am, still with 'em. Yeah, I know.
Anyway, a fortnight or so ago I decided to negotiate a better deal. To this end I feel, the best way to cut to the chase is simply to phone up and tell 'em you're leaving for another network. You will then be connected to a person whose sole job it is to try to prevent you from doing this.
Long story short: I got a deal that I was reasonably happy with, plus a new phone in the post as part of the agreement. My main priority was that the phone also be a 5 megapixel camera. I figured that having one of these on my genius, creative-ass person 24/7 could only be A Good Thing. I opted for the Samsung G600. Great camera, nice menus, slick design. One problem: Camera part - fine, but nothing else works. Calls get cut off constantly. Most incoming calls never come at all. People think I'm hanging up on them. Not good.
I ring the company. Vodaman tells me to take my phone to the nearest Vodashop. They will run tests, assess the results, and give me a brand new one if needs be. Today I did this very thing.
There, Vodawoman tells me: That's just not true. We never have done/never will do this. Seems that, at best, they have to send the phone off to be repaired - takes at least a week.
I say to her: A mobile phone company telling downright lies to one of their own customers? Say it ain't so!!
She says: 'Hmm...er, yes. Anything else we can help you with?'
Presumably, now's the time for me to re-familiarise myself with the Great British phonebox.

Listening to: David Bowie - Aladdin Sane

Today was that very special day in the sonic seasonal calendar; The day when it is, unmistakeably, Not Winter Anymore. And in Cruel Britannia we need those Big Signifiers to reassure us of this fact. Stuff like, early morning sunshine that hasn't been obscured by clouds by 11am. No socks required would be another one. Today was that day when all but the most earnest of plans were shifted aside a little to allow alfresco eating and drinking to take centre-stage, and this is precisely what Yours Truly did Pop-Kids. Off into the local fiefdom I went to avail myself of fine wines and locally caught fresh fish. Ok ASDA, but you get my meaning.
What more is needed I ask?
The itinerary for the day then dictated itself. Hopefully by getting a little sun-exposure, I've prepared my legs for the wearing of the shorts for the forseeable, along with aligning my Chakras for the next few months activities. Job done.
And so to bed....

Not long after that last post, my internet access went kaput. Something to do with modem drivers blah blah. What this means in real terms is that, to get onto the WWW, I've had to travel to the local village of Pudsey to use their Local Library for Local People. Have to say, they have pretty speedy computers in libraries these days, and they're free to use. However, I'm a little out of practice with the local library scene, and the first thing that struck me is that Library etiquette seems to have changed somewhat from days of old.
Once upon a time your local library was a kind of sanctuary from the noisy, frenetic world outside. Silent as a tomb. The ticking of the clock, the odd newspaper rustle or an occasional quiet cough was the nearest to noise pollution you could expect to suffer inside one of these hallowed neighbourhood establishments.
Not any more though. See, whispering is what folks used to do. Mobile phones going off all over, (and people answering calls) local kids, apparently taking a break from school, playing computer games to the left and right, (speakers turned up) and giving a running commentary as they do. Apparently, this is all ok now. Library assistants routinely share the details of their weekend/dislikeable sister-in-law/recent doctor's appointment/prize-winning carrots at the top of their voices with everyone within earshot, which means everyone in the building.
Next time, I'm taking my Karaoke machine and a discreet hand-weapon.
Anyhoo, I digress. Bottom line is that I'm now looking to change my internet provider.
AOL have had my custom for the last decade. I've spent hours on the phone to their tech-team in India this week, and been given varying degrees of not-very-useful advice. The final straw was being advised, on my fifth consecutive day of phoning, to uninstall/re-install the software. Truly priceless knowledge. Well, not really...I then discover that their usually free technical support is now charged by-the-minute. I can't wait for the next phone bill.
It's now time to try someone else. All recommendations welcome pop-kids. Have a good bank-holiday weekend.